Post by pattucker on Mar 10, 2009 10:43:19 GMT -5
Friday the 13th Review
+ Introduction -
Well I was asked to do movie reviews and I wish to inform all right now that despite what people think is good cause its trendy or hip or the in thing right now doesn't make it good. It just makes you a lemming. I have been watching horror since I was small, been seeing horror since I was small too but that's not here nor there . That out of the way I am well versed on horror and with the blessing of the Newsletter I will be doing this each month. That full and out of the way its time to get to the point at hand. This is my opinion and some stated data on the movie in question. A opinion is a persons view of a situation that may and will differ to others opinions. Now that said this months movie is Friday the 13th (2009). I could just review it straight, however I feel to really get a good look at it I need to review all twelve movies. Therefore I shall and please note they have promised us from the start there will be atleast thirteen movies. Now on to the review.
+ Friday the 13th (1980) -
Allright the begining, not new begining that's part five, or the reboot that's part twelve. The start of the series is what I mean. First note that should be hit is this... no Jason. This is one of the two Jason movies that it isn't Jason killing people, I will hit this more in the second but the killer as we all know ends up being Jason's mother. As we learn toward the end Pamela Voorhees was part of the staff at the camp and while the counsellor's were off having sex, Jason drown in the lake. I will touch this more in a minute as everything pertaining to this is retconned. Pamela was a overly sweet sociopath with heavy laden Schizophrenia. The premise of the movie was to setup the fact the camp was shut down do to a multitude of instances including Jason's drowning and the double murders of a pair of counselors having sex a few years later. Point to remember guys, don't have sex at camp, people WILL kill you. Okay a few points to remember in this movie that will help later on. Ralph is a old man who is a reoccuring Doomsayer. Basicly on hereing people wish to go to the camp he screams there doomed. One of the few smart people in the whole thing in my opinion. Pamela walks around toward the end saying 'kill her mommy'... I will hit that in a minute because it needs a fuller explanation. Pamela apparently has only one sweater in her closet as its the same she has worn since the 1940's. Allright only thing left really to say is that the notable deaths in this movie is Kevin Bacon as Jack where he is sleeping and a broad head arrow is pushed threw the bed then out threw his neck, considered by most to be one of the best non over the top deaths of the 80's horror. Another notable is the death of Pamela where her head is cut off with her own machete, this will play a roll in later aspects. Well this ones done, I wont ruin the knee jerk reaction ending but its a dream.
+ Friday the 13th Pamela's Tale Issue 1 & 2 -
I will be extremely brief on this as its a comic not a movie and this is a movie review. However it retcons a lot of what I just hit. Now it shows Elias Voorhees Jasons father as a abusive coal miner. This is basicly the only real time he is named or shown. After some domestic abuse for a minor incident Pamela rubs her pregnant belly and starts talking to Jason, whom mind you talks back. Very articulate and knowledgable for a fetus. This is the start of the talking to herself as Jason from the first movie. After Jason convinces her to kill Elias and blow up there home they drive off and she gets work at a diner. She gives birth and basicly Jason is retconned to be a hydrocephalic. This is a bad tie in with other mentaly handicapped sociopaths like Leatherface. Most found this beyond poor taste. Later Jason is shown torturing animals as a small child and when teased for being fearful of water he walks into the wood. He finds two counselors having sex and from the poor writing and art I assume he attacks the guy feeling he is hurting the girl. Being insulted by them he runs and jumps in the lake to prove he can swim and sinks like a bag of bricks.
+ Friday the 13th Part II -
Allright. Alice lived in part one and is killed by a prowler in the opening of part two? Is it Jason? Is it bad writing? *shrugs*. 'Crazy' Ralph shows up and begins screaming doom to anyone mentioning Camp Crystal Lake and is subsequently killed by a Prowler. Is it Jason? Is it bad writing? *shrugs*. You see a trend forming? Basicly after a bit Jason is finally shown with a bag on his head and his house is first shown. Well this is semi invalidated in Jason Goes to Hell. We have his mothers head on a altar and Ralph in the Refrigerator.. which is a throw back tribute to the first Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Guys... every good series has its slow points and dry times and well this is it. If you miss this honestly you wont miss anything important.
+ Friday the 13th Part III -
Okay this picks up a few days after Part two but is semi unrelated. A girl named Chris whom was attacked by a disfigured man a few years earlier goes to Higgins Haven with her friends. In the process they upset a biker gang who later chases them just to be killed by Jason. Personaly this is another low movie like the second... Ralph is replaced with Abel and the ending being a nightmare of being pulled down into the water is getting very very old. Lets ignore this and move on. Oh a note.. he gets the
hockey mask in this one.
+ Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter -
Okay a note, Rob the mysterious travel is searching for Jason who killed his sister Sandra in two. Other then that Tommy Jarvis is introduced in this one, who is played by Corey Feldman. Also Ted White is Jason in this one only because he needed to eat. He didn't want to play the roll and found it distateful. However in my opinion he was the best Jason not because of his online roll but his offline. The director of this movie was more a monster then the character Jason. He regularly abused the teenage actors and actress's cutting corners and being verbally abusive to save money. Ted would threaten to quit if the treatment of the teenagers didn't inprove he would quit. The cheap director wouldn't risk it because he would have to pay more for a new actor. One instance was the director almost causing a actress to get hypothermia cause he wanted a realistic shot. Another was he didn't care one of the actors had trauma from flares but still the director demanded he be shot with one. Ted insured proper safety was used and made sure the actor was alright emotionaly after. Basicly this was by far one of the best of the Jason movies. Showing Tommy slipping into madness and the hints he might be the next Jason, however Tommy's force of will shown in future movies removes this. Also seeing Corey Feldman shave his head and hack Jason to death just made me laugh each time I see it. A must see. Also the dance scene.. As James Rolfe pointed out despite the tame song the guy was dancing to, it fact it was a edit. He was originaly dancing to AC/DC's Back in Black. It was done so a more focused dance. It puts it in perspective.
+ Friday the 13th: A New Beginning -
The second movie that didn't have Jason in it. Well people say Jason is killing people but guys its not him. Its set at a home for troubles teens and one of them is killed by another. The secret father of the dead teen is the EMT worker who picks up the body. Using the story of Jason as a cover the EMT begins killing people. Well unoriginal, especialy when the kids stop him and we have a feel of Scooby Doo. It wasn't bad persay, but it was more scoobyish. Tommy Jarvis is at the halfway house, Jason and him seemed spirit linked or just bad timing.
+ Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives -
Tommy Jarvis needs to just stay the hell away. He gets out of the hospital and goes to Jason's 'grave' and tries to stab him repeadely. Why? Cause. Lightning strikes the iron pole he is poking Jason's body with and it brings him to life. Most the rest is running around and Jason causing havok. Jason is officialy a zombie starting at this point and its a bland movie. Tommy runs around warning people of Jason and they say hey your nuts go away. Toward the end Tommy stops Jason.
+ Note on Tommy -
Tommy lives threw the entire series. He after part six goes back to a hospital and becomes sane. He then starts writing and publishing books about Jason and lives happily ever after with Pam. One of his six books was named 'My Life of Hell: One Man's Fight Against Jason Voorhees and considered by many to be whiney.
+ Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood -
The original name was Jason vs Carrie. But I will hit that later. Kane Hodder begins playing Jason in this one and most view him as the best Jason. Ted White is in my opinion. Well lets see what I can say about this movie... its emo. My god its the whineist movie I have ever seen. I almost wanted Jason to kill Tina to shut her up. Lost Odyssey wasn't this whiney. Now Tina is a telekinetic, a damn powerful one at that. Her powers are tied to her emotions and well its Carrie. She killed her father by accident in her youth and he fell into crystal lake, which has to be filling up by now with bodies. Its a kill, whine, kill, whine, kill movie till the end. At the end it gets better when she starts telekineticly attacking Jason whom beats her. In the end she lets out a psychic call which causes her father covering in chains to jump out of the lake and drag Jason down into the water. Now I have played psionics in games and rpgs alot, but that power is still new to me. Rent it, fast forward it to the last 20 minutes, and watch from there.
+ Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan -
Ah Jason takes Vancouver, I mean Manhattan. Why do I say Vancouver? Because it was filmed there. Well a yacht in camp crystal lake runs into Jason who is still chained to the bottom and drag him free, he climbs aboard and ends up leaving to go onto another boat that ends up in Manhattan. Well guys this is when it began turning comical apposed to scary. Apparently Jason who allready had a form of six sense which was never explained now can track people in a city the size of Manhattan. Honestly guys? That's good... I know Garou who are jealous of him. Kills were for the most part unoriginal save two. One a boxer beats on Jason for a few minutes until tired and then tells Jason you try. Jason knocks his head off which rolls off a building, into a dumpster which closes. I threw my arms up and screamed 'goal' nearly being kicked out of the theatre. In the end Jason was mutated back into a child while in the sewers when overwhelmed with a flood of toxic waste. So umm the sewers of Manhattan is full of toxic waste? I thought that was New Jersey. Also I know that the effect makes no sense. Aint going there. To those who object to my view of New Jersey a friend of mine told me he is happy Fallout 3 will have DLC for a new Jersey region, because a nuclear holocaust would help make it look better.
+ Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday -
Allright. Take all you know about Jason and FLUSH IT. He TALKS in it. TALKS. Jason doesn't talk. Its like Michael Myers, He doesn't talk so we will hit this because I have to hit certain points. Okay first of all Jason tries to kill a woman and runs into a field, we have all seen this before. Suddenly spotlights turn on and the entire FBI shows up, in which they unload on Jason for a good five minutes. Finally they blow him up with a LAW. A LAW is a Light Artilery Weapon, shown best when used against a single person during the end of Death Wish 3. He blows up and sends body parts everywhere which are promptly gathered. Now while in the morgue his 'black heart' begins beating, causing him to be possessed by Jasons spirt. This is by far nothing on the scope of the series and is a left field route. Jason body hops by using his snake tongue to possess others and is seeking a Vorhees woman to be reborn threw. All and all it isn't a true Jason movie in my opinion. Toward the end they show Jason's house fully retconning from movie two, in it they show several aspects as precurser's to future things. One noteably is the Necronomicon de Mortis from Evil Dead. This was not named but put there as wishful thinking for the future universe mergers. In the end Jason is reborn and then rekilled. Once killed he is pulled into hell and his mask is pulled down into hell by Freddy's claw. Oh and nothing was said about why he isn't a kid anymore from the last movie. When living in Alabama I used to buy copies of this I found at yard sales so I could burn them. This is a Uwe Boll level travesty.
+ Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash -
Can we all ignore this comic EVER happened? No? Damn it.. No one wins all a draw again end of story. I mentioned this do to Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, and Evil Dead are the same universe now. Thank god they change the name of Jason vs Carrie..
+ Jason X -
Well this was telegrafted. This came out when all horror decided to put there things in space. Hellraiser in space. Leprechaun in space. Jason in space. It was a trend... I do give it credit however. More novels and comic books were based off the Jason X universe then any other movie. Some people in fact loved it, but me I just sat there and groaned worse then when I ate a entire bag of dehydrated banana's not thinking. It starts modern but quickly ends up several centuries ahead. Honestly.. it wasn't BAD but wasn't great. Several deaths were based on liquid nitrogen and were by far unique to the series. Half way threw the computer malfunctions and viewing Jason as dead or critical he is 'healed' by being turned into a indestructable cyborg. My first words were, 'why?'. All in all it was the most bearable of all the 'in space' movies. The ending is what many refer to as the 'halo ending'. Jason is slammed out a airlock by one of the charecters and they re enter orbit. The halo referance is to Jason survived by landing on his face. Same as Master Chief in the opening of Halo 3.
+ Freddy vs. Jason -
Freddy vs Jason... I was asked by a friend to see it in the theatre and I told him that I saw Japanese death match wrestling (barbwire matches and the like). I watched Leatherface and Jason hitting each other with flaming steel chairs. It was much better then this crap. Jason is still in hell when this starts and is approached by a vision of his mother who tells him to kill the Elm Street Children. This was Freddy Krueger. Guys this shouldnt have happened, it was a bad idea. I wont try to justify this, its more a Freddy movie then a Jason one. So I will review it in length should I do Freddy. For those who don't know the ending, Jason wins but Freddy laughs so I am sorry but I call it a draw.
+ Friday the 13th (2009) -
Ah the point of this rant... Well I honestly didn't like the idea of it, but I gave it a shot. I don't drink yet after watching it I contemplated it. Nana Visitor was a poor choice for Pamela.. I am sorry I know theres hoards of rabid Nana Visitor fans out there but she didn't fit in my opinion. To those who dont recognize the name that's Major Kira from Deep Space Nine. The kills were unoriginal, save how they killed Jason but that was way way way too telegraphed. Jason in the old ones was driven and almost mindless in some cases. In this one well he seems methodical and ingenius. He stalks them, watches a few have sex, honestly he seems more like Michael Myers or a sociopath like him. One cut scene was him standing outside a lake looking at a counselor who had to stay in the water to avoid him till she tired and drown. Now one good death was a new take on the sleeping bag scene. This is a reoccuring theme that always made me have issues about sleeping bags at camps. He ties her up and slow roasts her over a open fire. Nicely done. There was things from other instalment's in it, like Marks wheelchair from part two or Pamela's sweater but by making this a reboot doesn't that invalidate the wheelchair? Also to boot besides being a hydrocephalic... Jason now has scoliosis. The final thing for me is the inspiration for how Jason was played in this one... according to interviews and reviews the way Jason worked was like John Rambo, Tarzan and the Abominable Snowman from Looney Tunes. *twitches* I do give credit for them progressing Jason. Going from the bag on his head to the hockey mask... That was good. However I honestly didn't like the movie.
+ Friday the 13th (NES) -
James Wolfe the angry video game nerd already reviewed this and what more could I say? No real ending, defeatest to an extreme, the directions are bad, and honestly its poorly made. There's nothing good that can be said about it... and I love old bad nes games.
+ Friday the 13th the series -
Basiclly this has absolutely nothing at all even remotely to do with the series. This is about a family who inherits a store that sells cursed items. There trying to regain all the cursed items to have them locked away in a vault. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't a Jason series.
+ Friday the 13th: The Orphan -
I mentioned this solely because people think its part of the series. It isn't, it was made first and had a sociopath child. It blew and sucked at the same time. Which mind you is impossible in physics. The director of the Jason series payed a fee to the creator of this movie and no major lawsuits happened. Now lets forget this happened...
+ Conclussion -
Normally I would make a rant or quote but guys this series has a purpose and a point. Wank material for sociopaths. To those I give this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=60UL4DxztAg. A viewing of all the kills from all movies save the last one and to those wondering there's a kill counter going. See you all next month I hope.
+ Introduction -
Well I was asked to do movie reviews and I wish to inform all right now that despite what people think is good cause its trendy or hip or the in thing right now doesn't make it good. It just makes you a lemming. I have been watching horror since I was small, been seeing horror since I was small too but that's not here nor there . That out of the way I am well versed on horror and with the blessing of the Newsletter I will be doing this each month. That full and out of the way its time to get to the point at hand. This is my opinion and some stated data on the movie in question. A opinion is a persons view of a situation that may and will differ to others opinions. Now that said this months movie is Friday the 13th (2009). I could just review it straight, however I feel to really get a good look at it I need to review all twelve movies. Therefore I shall and please note they have promised us from the start there will be atleast thirteen movies. Now on to the review.
+ Friday the 13th (1980) -
Allright the begining, not new begining that's part five, or the reboot that's part twelve. The start of the series is what I mean. First note that should be hit is this... no Jason. This is one of the two Jason movies that it isn't Jason killing people, I will hit this more in the second but the killer as we all know ends up being Jason's mother. As we learn toward the end Pamela Voorhees was part of the staff at the camp and while the counsellor's were off having sex, Jason drown in the lake. I will touch this more in a minute as everything pertaining to this is retconned. Pamela was a overly sweet sociopath with heavy laden Schizophrenia. The premise of the movie was to setup the fact the camp was shut down do to a multitude of instances including Jason's drowning and the double murders of a pair of counselors having sex a few years later. Point to remember guys, don't have sex at camp, people WILL kill you. Okay a few points to remember in this movie that will help later on. Ralph is a old man who is a reoccuring Doomsayer. Basicly on hereing people wish to go to the camp he screams there doomed. One of the few smart people in the whole thing in my opinion. Pamela walks around toward the end saying 'kill her mommy'... I will hit that in a minute because it needs a fuller explanation. Pamela apparently has only one sweater in her closet as its the same she has worn since the 1940's. Allright only thing left really to say is that the notable deaths in this movie is Kevin Bacon as Jack where he is sleeping and a broad head arrow is pushed threw the bed then out threw his neck, considered by most to be one of the best non over the top deaths of the 80's horror. Another notable is the death of Pamela where her head is cut off with her own machete, this will play a roll in later aspects. Well this ones done, I wont ruin the knee jerk reaction ending but its a dream.
+ Friday the 13th Pamela's Tale Issue 1 & 2 -
I will be extremely brief on this as its a comic not a movie and this is a movie review. However it retcons a lot of what I just hit. Now it shows Elias Voorhees Jasons father as a abusive coal miner. This is basicly the only real time he is named or shown. After some domestic abuse for a minor incident Pamela rubs her pregnant belly and starts talking to Jason, whom mind you talks back. Very articulate and knowledgable for a fetus. This is the start of the talking to herself as Jason from the first movie. After Jason convinces her to kill Elias and blow up there home they drive off and she gets work at a diner. She gives birth and basicly Jason is retconned to be a hydrocephalic. This is a bad tie in with other mentaly handicapped sociopaths like Leatherface. Most found this beyond poor taste. Later Jason is shown torturing animals as a small child and when teased for being fearful of water he walks into the wood. He finds two counselors having sex and from the poor writing and art I assume he attacks the guy feeling he is hurting the girl. Being insulted by them he runs and jumps in the lake to prove he can swim and sinks like a bag of bricks.
+ Friday the 13th Part II -
Allright. Alice lived in part one and is killed by a prowler in the opening of part two? Is it Jason? Is it bad writing? *shrugs*. 'Crazy' Ralph shows up and begins screaming doom to anyone mentioning Camp Crystal Lake and is subsequently killed by a Prowler. Is it Jason? Is it bad writing? *shrugs*. You see a trend forming? Basicly after a bit Jason is finally shown with a bag on his head and his house is first shown. Well this is semi invalidated in Jason Goes to Hell. We have his mothers head on a altar and Ralph in the Refrigerator.. which is a throw back tribute to the first Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Guys... every good series has its slow points and dry times and well this is it. If you miss this honestly you wont miss anything important.
+ Friday the 13th Part III -
Okay this picks up a few days after Part two but is semi unrelated. A girl named Chris whom was attacked by a disfigured man a few years earlier goes to Higgins Haven with her friends. In the process they upset a biker gang who later chases them just to be killed by Jason. Personaly this is another low movie like the second... Ralph is replaced with Abel and the ending being a nightmare of being pulled down into the water is getting very very old. Lets ignore this and move on. Oh a note.. he gets the
hockey mask in this one.
+ Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter -
Okay a note, Rob the mysterious travel is searching for Jason who killed his sister Sandra in two. Other then that Tommy Jarvis is introduced in this one, who is played by Corey Feldman. Also Ted White is Jason in this one only because he needed to eat. He didn't want to play the roll and found it distateful. However in my opinion he was the best Jason not because of his online roll but his offline. The director of this movie was more a monster then the character Jason. He regularly abused the teenage actors and actress's cutting corners and being verbally abusive to save money. Ted would threaten to quit if the treatment of the teenagers didn't inprove he would quit. The cheap director wouldn't risk it because he would have to pay more for a new actor. One instance was the director almost causing a actress to get hypothermia cause he wanted a realistic shot. Another was he didn't care one of the actors had trauma from flares but still the director demanded he be shot with one. Ted insured proper safety was used and made sure the actor was alright emotionaly after. Basicly this was by far one of the best of the Jason movies. Showing Tommy slipping into madness and the hints he might be the next Jason, however Tommy's force of will shown in future movies removes this. Also seeing Corey Feldman shave his head and hack Jason to death just made me laugh each time I see it. A must see. Also the dance scene.. As James Rolfe pointed out despite the tame song the guy was dancing to, it fact it was a edit. He was originaly dancing to AC/DC's Back in Black. It was done so a more focused dance. It puts it in perspective.
+ Friday the 13th: A New Beginning -
The second movie that didn't have Jason in it. Well people say Jason is killing people but guys its not him. Its set at a home for troubles teens and one of them is killed by another. The secret father of the dead teen is the EMT worker who picks up the body. Using the story of Jason as a cover the EMT begins killing people. Well unoriginal, especialy when the kids stop him and we have a feel of Scooby Doo. It wasn't bad persay, but it was more scoobyish. Tommy Jarvis is at the halfway house, Jason and him seemed spirit linked or just bad timing.
+ Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives -
Tommy Jarvis needs to just stay the hell away. He gets out of the hospital and goes to Jason's 'grave' and tries to stab him repeadely. Why? Cause. Lightning strikes the iron pole he is poking Jason's body with and it brings him to life. Most the rest is running around and Jason causing havok. Jason is officialy a zombie starting at this point and its a bland movie. Tommy runs around warning people of Jason and they say hey your nuts go away. Toward the end Tommy stops Jason.
+ Note on Tommy -
Tommy lives threw the entire series. He after part six goes back to a hospital and becomes sane. He then starts writing and publishing books about Jason and lives happily ever after with Pam. One of his six books was named 'My Life of Hell: One Man's Fight Against Jason Voorhees and considered by many to be whiney.
+ Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood -
The original name was Jason vs Carrie. But I will hit that later. Kane Hodder begins playing Jason in this one and most view him as the best Jason. Ted White is in my opinion. Well lets see what I can say about this movie... its emo. My god its the whineist movie I have ever seen. I almost wanted Jason to kill Tina to shut her up. Lost Odyssey wasn't this whiney. Now Tina is a telekinetic, a damn powerful one at that. Her powers are tied to her emotions and well its Carrie. She killed her father by accident in her youth and he fell into crystal lake, which has to be filling up by now with bodies. Its a kill, whine, kill, whine, kill movie till the end. At the end it gets better when she starts telekineticly attacking Jason whom beats her. In the end she lets out a psychic call which causes her father covering in chains to jump out of the lake and drag Jason down into the water. Now I have played psionics in games and rpgs alot, but that power is still new to me. Rent it, fast forward it to the last 20 minutes, and watch from there.
+ Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan -
Ah Jason takes Vancouver, I mean Manhattan. Why do I say Vancouver? Because it was filmed there. Well a yacht in camp crystal lake runs into Jason who is still chained to the bottom and drag him free, he climbs aboard and ends up leaving to go onto another boat that ends up in Manhattan. Well guys this is when it began turning comical apposed to scary. Apparently Jason who allready had a form of six sense which was never explained now can track people in a city the size of Manhattan. Honestly guys? That's good... I know Garou who are jealous of him. Kills were for the most part unoriginal save two. One a boxer beats on Jason for a few minutes until tired and then tells Jason you try. Jason knocks his head off which rolls off a building, into a dumpster which closes. I threw my arms up and screamed 'goal' nearly being kicked out of the theatre. In the end Jason was mutated back into a child while in the sewers when overwhelmed with a flood of toxic waste. So umm the sewers of Manhattan is full of toxic waste? I thought that was New Jersey. Also I know that the effect makes no sense. Aint going there. To those who object to my view of New Jersey a friend of mine told me he is happy Fallout 3 will have DLC for a new Jersey region, because a nuclear holocaust would help make it look better.
+ Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday -
Allright. Take all you know about Jason and FLUSH IT. He TALKS in it. TALKS. Jason doesn't talk. Its like Michael Myers, He doesn't talk so we will hit this because I have to hit certain points. Okay first of all Jason tries to kill a woman and runs into a field, we have all seen this before. Suddenly spotlights turn on and the entire FBI shows up, in which they unload on Jason for a good five minutes. Finally they blow him up with a LAW. A LAW is a Light Artilery Weapon, shown best when used against a single person during the end of Death Wish 3. He blows up and sends body parts everywhere which are promptly gathered. Now while in the morgue his 'black heart' begins beating, causing him to be possessed by Jasons spirt. This is by far nothing on the scope of the series and is a left field route. Jason body hops by using his snake tongue to possess others and is seeking a Vorhees woman to be reborn threw. All and all it isn't a true Jason movie in my opinion. Toward the end they show Jason's house fully retconning from movie two, in it they show several aspects as precurser's to future things. One noteably is the Necronomicon de Mortis from Evil Dead. This was not named but put there as wishful thinking for the future universe mergers. In the end Jason is reborn and then rekilled. Once killed he is pulled into hell and his mask is pulled down into hell by Freddy's claw. Oh and nothing was said about why he isn't a kid anymore from the last movie. When living in Alabama I used to buy copies of this I found at yard sales so I could burn them. This is a Uwe Boll level travesty.
+ Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash -
Can we all ignore this comic EVER happened? No? Damn it.. No one wins all a draw again end of story. I mentioned this do to Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, and Evil Dead are the same universe now. Thank god they change the name of Jason vs Carrie..
+ Jason X -
Well this was telegrafted. This came out when all horror decided to put there things in space. Hellraiser in space. Leprechaun in space. Jason in space. It was a trend... I do give it credit however. More novels and comic books were based off the Jason X universe then any other movie. Some people in fact loved it, but me I just sat there and groaned worse then when I ate a entire bag of dehydrated banana's not thinking. It starts modern but quickly ends up several centuries ahead. Honestly.. it wasn't BAD but wasn't great. Several deaths were based on liquid nitrogen and were by far unique to the series. Half way threw the computer malfunctions and viewing Jason as dead or critical he is 'healed' by being turned into a indestructable cyborg. My first words were, 'why?'. All in all it was the most bearable of all the 'in space' movies. The ending is what many refer to as the 'halo ending'. Jason is slammed out a airlock by one of the charecters and they re enter orbit. The halo referance is to Jason survived by landing on his face. Same as Master Chief in the opening of Halo 3.
+ Freddy vs. Jason -
Freddy vs Jason... I was asked by a friend to see it in the theatre and I told him that I saw Japanese death match wrestling (barbwire matches and the like). I watched Leatherface and Jason hitting each other with flaming steel chairs. It was much better then this crap. Jason is still in hell when this starts and is approached by a vision of his mother who tells him to kill the Elm Street Children. This was Freddy Krueger. Guys this shouldnt have happened, it was a bad idea. I wont try to justify this, its more a Freddy movie then a Jason one. So I will review it in length should I do Freddy. For those who don't know the ending, Jason wins but Freddy laughs so I am sorry but I call it a draw.
+ Friday the 13th (2009) -
Ah the point of this rant... Well I honestly didn't like the idea of it, but I gave it a shot. I don't drink yet after watching it I contemplated it. Nana Visitor was a poor choice for Pamela.. I am sorry I know theres hoards of rabid Nana Visitor fans out there but she didn't fit in my opinion. To those who dont recognize the name that's Major Kira from Deep Space Nine. The kills were unoriginal, save how they killed Jason but that was way way way too telegraphed. Jason in the old ones was driven and almost mindless in some cases. In this one well he seems methodical and ingenius. He stalks them, watches a few have sex, honestly he seems more like Michael Myers or a sociopath like him. One cut scene was him standing outside a lake looking at a counselor who had to stay in the water to avoid him till she tired and drown. Now one good death was a new take on the sleeping bag scene. This is a reoccuring theme that always made me have issues about sleeping bags at camps. He ties her up and slow roasts her over a open fire. Nicely done. There was things from other instalment's in it, like Marks wheelchair from part two or Pamela's sweater but by making this a reboot doesn't that invalidate the wheelchair? Also to boot besides being a hydrocephalic... Jason now has scoliosis. The final thing for me is the inspiration for how Jason was played in this one... according to interviews and reviews the way Jason worked was like John Rambo, Tarzan and the Abominable Snowman from Looney Tunes. *twitches* I do give credit for them progressing Jason. Going from the bag on his head to the hockey mask... That was good. However I honestly didn't like the movie.
+ Friday the 13th (NES) -
James Wolfe the angry video game nerd already reviewed this and what more could I say? No real ending, defeatest to an extreme, the directions are bad, and honestly its poorly made. There's nothing good that can be said about it... and I love old bad nes games.
+ Friday the 13th the series -
Basiclly this has absolutely nothing at all even remotely to do with the series. This is about a family who inherits a store that sells cursed items. There trying to regain all the cursed items to have them locked away in a vault. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't a Jason series.
+ Friday the 13th: The Orphan -
I mentioned this solely because people think its part of the series. It isn't, it was made first and had a sociopath child. It blew and sucked at the same time. Which mind you is impossible in physics. The director of the Jason series payed a fee to the creator of this movie and no major lawsuits happened. Now lets forget this happened...
+ Conclussion -
Normally I would make a rant or quote but guys this series has a purpose and a point. Wank material for sociopaths. To those I give this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=60UL4DxztAg. A viewing of all the kills from all movies save the last one and to those wondering there's a kill counter going. See you all next month I hope.